1. |
Mouth Shut
04:47
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Sense of sad, it’s troubled times
sing the dirge of my troubled mind
Yeah I’ve declined, all foolish, tired
sorrow is a crooked liar
Home is running hot today
fevered stew, a river of clay
But form’s a boundary, anyway
Free’s a plume of smoke, am I right?
Am I right?
How far would I go for my ego?
How deep would I swim, how steep would I climb?
I draw the scene, misshapen lines
set to purge my troubled mind
Curled up on the carpet,
I pull my tourniquet tight
Home is heavy thoughts today
strung with threads all rough and frayed
Drape the windows dark and low,
hang the pictures loose
Am I gone? Am I gone?
How far would I go for my ego?
To the end of the road, to the corners of the world
through the whites of my eyes,
to the depths of my fears
This world is so cruel
We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner
I soak my bones ‘til the marrow rot
howling through my harrowed jaw
My memories have been misaligned
I couldn’t say just what I saw
Home is starving child today,
feral cat, a wandering dog
But home is an illusion anyway
Free is full detachment
Am I right? Am I right?
This world is so cruel
We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner
This world is so cruel
We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner
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2. |
Algor Mortis
04:30
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It’s no good
It’s no good for me
It’s my seventh night alone this week
And imagine all the weeks ahead
I traipse an edge that’s the breadth of a hair
Lights flicker in my eyes, my impermanence bared
I’ll risk my life just to sleep through the night
And it happens all the time
My empty room is a thundering earthquake,
foaming at the head, a vast hole in the ground
What I would do
for the taste of food
and the sound of all-happy walking-around
For the walls to ring with happy sounds
I pine for love when my guidance is blurred
Belie my name, forsake what I serve
Imbibe to deny my discordance of mind
And appeal to all who’ll comply
Come behold my crumbling wishlist
Trying is useless
I’ll always be alone
Because falling in love’s like running
with my hands tied from behind
All my wrongs would alarm and appall
My errors resound like ghosts in the walls
Trust devolved from the life I’ve designed
And lies have adorned my pride
Can’t we go on like it’ll all be OK?
(is a man just afraid to admit his mistakes?)
But I’ve never loved anyone like you before
(lies are born, another lie is born)
I reach out when I’m in need
(lies are born, another lie is born)
And I don’t live my life in fear
(lies are born, another lie is born)
I work hard and I’ve been good
Lies are born, another lie is born
And I’ve never loved like I love you
Lies are born, lies are born
Truth walks in just bursting with witness
So, it seems my word’s no good
Stories pour in like a shower of vengeance
Despite my repentance, I’ve lost all regard
My empty room is a bastion of heartache
My glowering end, my looming descent
And I’ll always be alone
Lost in the throes of my unending errors
I’ll traipse the edge for a moment of rest
And it happens all the time
I’ll always be alone
I deserve this condition
That much is known, that much is known
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3. |
Fractals
04:25
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There is no reason in here
No want for clarity here
I hold no regard for tomorrow
No respite for the notion of modesty here
I’m amiss, laid amuck with a bottle
I’m going straight towards the bottom
I got the rest of my life to start slowing it down
And my body is hurting, but the rest is alright
Holding my weakness in my hands
Won’t last a moment more
Lost man, floating around the room
Trying to find some solace to consume
Distraction is a way of life
And my body is hurting, but the rest is alright
Languid man, tired aweless heart
Tried to say no
No chance from the start
There are no illusions here
I keep all my paths clear
And I’ll know no regrets, no regrets
… until tomorrow
Been amiss, strewn about with a woman
And I know, I know what that means for us
But I got the rest of my life to start anew with somebody else
And my soul, it is hurting, but the rest is alright
Holding my weakness in my eyes
Won’t turn this moment down
Lost man, floating around the room
Waiting to fall for someone just as ruined
Distraction is a way of life
And my soul, it is hurting, but the rest is alright
Languid man, tired aweless heart
Tried to say no
No chance from the start
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4. |
Sap on My Teeth
04:01
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My life is a series of mistakes
But many can be traced back to one
When as a youth I was given a means
to soothe all my sorrow
So I bit the fruit
Could taste the sap just dripping from my teeth
It nourished and assuaged
Feeble boy gave way
Playing was the last thing to go through my mind
Once I languished under those warm, warm covers
I was a tender youth
Dug the feeling and then fell into the hole
And felt no need to get out
Because no truth can be known that an addict can’t scorn
I was a vulnerable child
I took the dive and I breathed, and I breathed
until my lungs began to seize
Because no truth can be shown that an addict can’t scorn
Yeah, I can taste the sap still dripping from my teeth
So sweet it cannot fade
Because even time cannot ease an addict’s disease
So here I am now
I should have known that it would not be easy
But I couldn’t have known that it’d be this hard
Because sedation alone puts an addict at home
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5. |
Hospital Noise
03:52
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My mind’s gone blank from the pills
I’m getting used to it now, now
But it ain’t so bad
because I’m using it for the pain
So give me some more
Just give me some more
Because I need
Yes, I need
Yes, I need more
…and what was that remark?
Something about the pulse of my heart?
I’m in a lull and I can’ get out
You all might be losing me soon
I have now surely lost myself
And I got no waterworks,
nor no sorry words
Just an enduring friend,
and her unwavering hand
(Brace your weak heart)
(Wake up, sweetheart)
(Remain pure-of-heart)
Living it up
Yeah…just trying to sit up
Pack your bags, it’s moving time
I took my last sip from the grandeur cup
Earthly man stands in line
Pack your bags, it’s moving time
I took my last sip from the grandeur cup
Earthly man stands in line
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6. |
In the Interim
04:22
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I think the worst of it has passed
It’ll only get better from here
There’s much to heal, and much to leave behind
For now, all I can do is apologize
All the cravings in my mind?
I’ve savored them all my life
And all the wonder in my heart?
Yeah, I’ve worn it to the bone
I’ll admit, I fell a long way down
But I can see light coming in from above
Of all the times I felt I could get better,
I never wanted it more, nor needed it more
You all swam the flood and beared the ruins
Endured with poise, I’ve just now realized
The size of your burden was obscene
And I’m aghast by the thought of it all
I’ll admit, I fell a long way down
But I can see light coming in from above
Of all the times I felt I could get better,
I never wanted it more, nor needed it more
Quiet, as we’re entering the interim
Quiet heals the heart
and mends the most unbearable things
All I ask for is patience and some time
Time to think, to regret, time to heal
All the cravings in my mind?
I’ve savored them all my life
And all the wonder in my heart?
Yeah, I’ve worn it to the bone
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7. |
World Spins Softly
03:37
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Straight shot to the arm
A fool’s fight to be calm
Turns the floor to an ocean
I’m bathing in warmness
Swallowed
Inert
The world spins softly,
world spins soft for me
I wake up and I’m colder
I couldn’t sleep any longer, no
And all the glow and the luster has waned
and the world’s left bitter and raw
The world spins restless,
World don’t rest for me
Yeah I can’t help but to yearn to allay all the grief the easy way
And I’ve come back to get ruined again and again
But my eyes have now been opened for good
And after years in the doldrums
I’ve emerged, and I’ve shed some problems
But the urge will leave its cold emblem on all that is joyous
for the rest of my life
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8. |
Visitation
04:04
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The mess I’ve made
The guilt is real
And doubt pours
From this lonely room
Yes I’m done, yes I’m done
Lest endure the worst yet to come
I can use my will for good
I can use my will for good
Oh yes I’m done, yes I’m done
Lest endure the worst yet to come
This is the moment you have
Been longing for all along
It’s in my breath, in my blood
In the ground beneath my feet
Every angle I see
In every wish that I plead
Tongue is faltering under my
eyes are lost under my
hands are tied under my
mind collapsing under my
relapse is here
Yes I’m done, yes I’m done
Must endure the worst yet to come
Hung my will up for good
And I’ll die from it soon enough
Oh yes I’m done, yes I’m done
Lost my strength, again succumbed
Hung my will up for good
And I’ll die from it soon enough
I can’t get through life without my crutch
I tried to fight it, but it’s not enough
(It’s the moment you have)
It’s gonna shut me down, gonna shut me down
(been longing for all along)
Gonna shut me all down
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