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Sundowning

by Kameron Masullo

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1.
Mouth Shut 04:47
Sense of sad, it’s troubled times sing the dirge of my troubled mind Yeah I’ve declined, all foolish, tired sorrow is a crooked liar Home is running hot today fevered stew, a river of clay But form’s a boundary, anyway Free’s a plume of smoke, am I right? Am I right? How far would I go for my ego? How deep would I swim, how steep would I climb? I draw the scene, misshapen lines set to purge my troubled mind Curled up on the carpet, I pull my tourniquet tight Home is heavy thoughts today strung with threads all rough and frayed Drape the windows dark and low, hang the pictures loose Am I gone? Am I gone? How far would I go for my ego? To the end of the road, to the corners of the world through the whites of my eyes, to the depths of my fears This world is so cruel We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner I soak my bones ‘til the marrow rot howling through my harrowed jaw My memories have been misaligned I couldn’t say just what I saw Home is starving child today, feral cat, a wandering dog But home is an illusion anyway Free is full detachment Am I right? Am I right? This world is so cruel We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner This world is so cruel We’re all just yearning for family and hungry for dinner
2.
Algor Mortis 04:30
It’s no good It’s no good for me It’s my seventh night alone this week And imagine all the weeks ahead I traipse an edge that’s the breadth of a hair Lights flicker in my eyes, my impermanence bared I’ll risk my life just to sleep through the night And it happens all the time My empty room is a thundering earthquake, foaming at the head, a vast hole in the ground What I would do for the taste of food and the sound of all-happy walking-around For the walls to ring with happy sounds I pine for love when my guidance is blurred Belie my name, forsake what I serve Imbibe to deny my discordance of mind And appeal to all who’ll comply Come behold my crumbling wishlist Trying is useless I’ll always be alone Because falling in love’s like running with my hands tied from behind All my wrongs would alarm and appall My errors resound like ghosts in the walls Trust devolved from the life I’ve designed And lies have adorned my pride Can’t we go on like it’ll all be OK? (is a man just afraid to admit his mistakes?) But I’ve never loved anyone like you before (lies are born, another lie is born) I reach out when I’m in need (lies are born, another lie is born) And I don’t live my life in fear (lies are born, another lie is born) I work hard and I’ve been good Lies are born, another lie is born And I’ve never loved like I love you Lies are born, lies are born Truth walks in just bursting with witness So, it seems my word’s no good Stories pour in like a shower of vengeance Despite my repentance, I’ve lost all regard My empty room is a bastion of heartache My glowering end, my looming descent And I’ll always be alone Lost in the throes of my unending errors I’ll traipse the edge for a moment of rest And it happens all the time I’ll always be alone I deserve this condition That much is known, that much is known
3.
Fractals 04:25
There is no reason in here No want for clarity here I hold no regard for tomorrow No respite for the notion of modesty here I’m amiss, laid amuck with a bottle I’m going straight towards the bottom I got the rest of my life to start slowing it down And my body is hurting, but the rest is alright Holding my weakness in my hands Won’t last a moment more Lost man, floating around the room Trying to find some solace to consume Distraction is a way of life And my body is hurting, but the rest is alright Languid man, tired aweless heart Tried to say no No chance from the start There are no illusions here I keep all my paths clear And I’ll know no regrets, no regrets … until tomorrow Been amiss, strewn about with a woman And I know, I know what that means for us But I got the rest of my life to start anew with somebody else And my soul, it is hurting, but the rest is alright Holding my weakness in my eyes Won’t turn this moment down Lost man, floating around the room Waiting to fall for someone just as ruined Distraction is a way of life And my soul, it is hurting, but the rest is alright Languid man, tired aweless heart Tried to say no No chance from the start
4.
My life is a series of mistakes But many can be traced back to one When as a youth I was given a means to soothe all my sorrow So I bit the fruit Could taste the sap just dripping from my teeth It nourished and assuaged Feeble boy gave way Playing was the last thing to go through my mind Once I languished under those warm, warm covers I was a tender youth Dug the feeling and then fell into the hole And felt no need to get out Because no truth can be known that an addict can’t scorn I was a vulnerable child I took the dive and I breathed, and I breathed until my lungs began to seize Because no truth can be shown that an addict can’t scorn Yeah, I can taste the sap still dripping from my teeth So sweet it cannot fade Because even time cannot ease an addict’s disease So here I am now I should have known that it would not be easy But I couldn’t have known that it’d be this hard Because sedation alone puts an addict at home
5.
My mind’s gone blank from the pills I’m getting used to it now, now But it ain’t so bad because I’m using it for the pain So give me some more Just give me some more Because I need Yes, I need Yes, I need more …and what was that remark? Something about the pulse of my heart? I’m in a lull and I can’ get out You all might be losing me soon I have now surely lost myself And I got no waterworks, nor no sorry words Just an enduring friend, and her unwavering hand (Brace your weak heart) (Wake up, sweetheart) (Remain pure-of-heart) Living it up Yeah…just trying to sit up Pack your bags, it’s moving time I took my last sip from the grandeur cup Earthly man stands in line Pack your bags, it’s moving time I took my last sip from the grandeur cup Earthly man stands in line
6.
I think the worst of it has passed It’ll only get better from here There’s much to heal, and much to leave behind For now, all I can do is apologize All the cravings in my mind? I’ve savored them all my life And all the wonder in my heart? Yeah, I’ve worn it to the bone I’ll admit, I fell a long way down But I can see light coming in from above Of all the times I felt I could get better, I never wanted it more, nor needed it more You all swam the flood and beared the ruins Endured with poise, I’ve just now realized The size of your burden was obscene And I’m aghast by the thought of it all I’ll admit, I fell a long way down But I can see light coming in from above Of all the times I felt I could get better, I never wanted it more, nor needed it more Quiet, as we’re entering the interim Quiet heals the heart and mends the most unbearable things All I ask for is patience and some time Time to think, to regret, time to heal All the cravings in my mind? I’ve savored them all my life And all the wonder in my heart? Yeah, I’ve worn it to the bone
7.
Straight shot to the arm A fool’s fight to be calm Turns the floor to an ocean I’m bathing in warmness Swallowed Inert The world spins softly, world spins soft for me I wake up and I’m colder I couldn’t sleep any longer, no And all the glow and the luster has waned and the world’s left bitter and raw The world spins restless, World don’t rest for me Yeah I can’t help but to yearn to allay all the grief the easy way And I’ve come back to get ruined again and again But my eyes have now been opened for good And after years in the doldrums I’ve emerged, and I’ve shed some problems But the urge will leave its cold emblem on all that is joyous for the rest of my life
8.
Visitation 04:04
The mess I’ve made The guilt is real And doubt pours From this lonely room Yes I’m done, yes I’m done Lest endure the worst yet to come I can use my will for good I can use my will for good Oh yes I’m done, yes I’m done Lest endure the worst yet to come This is the moment you have Been longing for all along It’s in my breath, in my blood In the ground beneath my feet Every angle I see In every wish that I plead Tongue is faltering under my eyes are lost under my hands are tied under my mind collapsing under my relapse is here Yes I’m done, yes I’m done Must endure the worst yet to come Hung my will up for good And I’ll die from it soon enough Oh yes I’m done, yes I’m done Lost my strength, again succumbed Hung my will up for good And I’ll die from it soon enough I can’t get through life without my crutch I tried to fight it, but it’s not enough (It’s the moment you have) It’s gonna shut me down, gonna shut me down (been longing for all along) Gonna shut me all down

credits

released September 25, 2020

Kameron Masullo - Guitars, Bass, Misc. Keys/Synths, Percussion and Programming.
Corey Cregar - Vocals
Judy Shin - Piano, Organ and Synths
Jon Howells - Drums and Percussion
Jeff Sullivan - Violins (In the Interim)
Gary Mackender - Accordion (Sap on My Teeth)
Adrienne Byrne - Flute (Hospital Noise)
Noa Golan - Vocals (Algor Mortis, Hospital Noise)
Dave McLean - Congas (Mouth Shut)
Grace McLean - Backing Vocals (Mouth Shut)
Benjamin Zuelsdorf - Piano (Mouth Shut)

Algor Mortis Vocalists:
Julie Kinscheck and the Harmony Jewels

Recorded and mixed by Kameron Masullo. Drums recorded by Jon Howells.
Mastered by Jeff Lipton and Maria Rice at Peerless Mastering, Boston, MA

Artwork by Sudenkorento Studios

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Kameron Masullo Stonington, Connecticut

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